A thought experiment: Imagine how people might react if Taylor Swift released an album made up entirely of songs about wishing she could get back together with one of her exes.
We’d hear things like: “She can’t let go. She’s clingy. She’s irrational. She’s crazy.” Men would have a field day comparing her to their own “crazy” exes.
Yet when Robin Thicke released “Paula” – a plea for reconciliation with his ex-wife Paula Patton disguised as an LP — he was called incoherent, obsessed, heartfelt and, in particular, creepy.
But you didn’t hear men calling him “crazy” — even though he used it as the title of one of tracks.
No, “crazy” is typically held in reserve for women’s behavior. Men might be obsessed, driven, confused or upset. But we don’t get called “crazy” — at least not the way men reflexively label women as such.
“Crazy” is one of the five deadly words guys use to shame women into compliance. The others: Fat. Ugly. Slutty. Bitchy. They sum up the supposedly worst things a woman can be.
WHAT WE REALLY MEAN BY “CRAZY” IS: “SHE WAS UPSET, AND I DIDN’T WANT HER TO BE.”
“Crazy” is such a convenient word for men, perpetuating our sense of superiority. Men are logical; women are emotional. Emotion is the antithesis of logic. When women are too emotional, we say they are being irrational. Crazy. Wrong.
Women hear it all the time from men. “You’re overreacting,” we tell them. “Don’t worry about it so much, you’re over-thinking it.” “Don’t be so sensitive.” “Don’t be crazy.” It’s a form of gaslighting — telling women that their feelings are just wrong, that they don’t have the right to feel the way that they do. Minimizing somebody else’s feelings is a way of controlling them. If they no longer trust their own feelings and instincts, they come to rely on someone else to tell them how they’re supposed to feel.
Small wonder that abusers love to use this c-word. It’s a way of delegitimizing a woman’s authority over her own life.
Most men (#notallmen, #irony) aren’t abusers, but far too many of us reflexively call women crazy without thinking about it. We talk about how “crazy girl sex” is the best sex while we also warn men “don’t stick it in the crazy.” How I Met Your Mother warned us to watch out for “the crazy eyes” and how to process women on the “Crazy/Hot” scale. When we talk about why we broke up with our exes, we say, “She got crazy,” and our guy friends nod sagely, as if that explains everything.
Except what we’re really saying is: “She was upset, and I didn’t want her to be.”
Many men are socialized to be disconnected from our emotions — the only manly feelings we’re supposed to show are stoic silence or anger. We’re taught that to be emotional is to be feminine. As a result, we barely have a handle on our own emotions — meaning that we’re especially ill-equipped at dealing with someone else’s.
That’s where “crazy” comes in. It’s the all-purpose argument ender. Your girlfriend is upset that you didn’t call when you were going to be late? She’s being irrational. She wants you to spend time with her instead of out with the guys again? She’s being clingy. Your wife doesn’t like the long hours you’re spending with your attractive co-worker? She’s being oversensitive.
As soon as the “crazy” card is in play, women are put on the defensive. It derails the discussion from what she’s saying to how she’s saying it. We insist that someone can’t be emotional and rational at the same time, so she has to prove that she’s not being irrational. Anything she says to the contrary can just be used as evidence against her.
More often than not, I suspect, most men don’t realize what we’re saying when we call a woman crazy. Not only does it stigmatize people who have legitimate mental health issues, but it tells women that they don’t understand their own emotions, that their very real concerns and issues are secondary to men’s comfort. And it absolves men from having to take responsibility for how we make others feel.
In the professional world, we’ve had debates over labels like “bossy” and “brusque,” so often used to describe women, not men. In our interpersonal relationships and conversations, “crazy” is the adjective that needs to go.
At what point do you take girls out of school altogether because boys can’t handle it?
Parent of a female teen whose school banned leggings
#yesallwomen have a right to an education without fashion policing by sexist administrators
^ this, tho… the message in these ridiculous dress codes remains “boys deserve an undistracted education, and you-GIRL-are a distraction… and your education comes second. You should be grateful, anyway… it’s really more than you deserve.” and i actually am not going to repeat how it reinforces rape culture because really, i’m just so damn tired of the messages we send young women about being nothing more than an accesory in a man’s life… fuck that. and fuck awful myopic dress codes… (via ginandbird)
This parent is right. The school is sending a message that girls’ clothes are supposed to distract boys; that boys can use them as an excuse, that girls when assaulted should blame themselves because they must have worn the wrong thing, because their clothes made them unfit to mingle with their peers. Have I got that right? (rhetorical)
Please stop calling this a nation of immigrants. We are not a nation of immigrants. We are a nation of colonizers, ex-slaves, ghosts of genocide victims, and preferred immigrants.
I’ve said this before and I’ll point it out again -
Menstruation is caused by change in hormonal levels to stop the creation of a uterine lining and encourage the body to flush the lining out. The body does this by lowering estrogen levels and raising testosterone.
Or, to put it more plainly “That time of the month” is when female hormones most closely resemble male hormones. So if (cis) women aren’t suited to office at “That time of the month” then (cis) men are NEVER suited to office.
If you are a dude and don’t dig the ladies around you at their time of the month, just think! That is you all of the time.
And, on a final note, post-menopausal (cis) women are the most hormonally stable of all human demographics. They have fewer hormonal fluctuations of anyone, meaning older women like Hilary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren would theoretically be among the least likely candidates to make an irrational decision due to hormonal fluctuations, and if we were basing our leadership decisions on hormone levels, then only women over fifty should ever be allowed to hold office.
Reblogging hard for that last comment.
I WANTED TO SAY THIS BUT THEN SOMEONE ELSE DID and I’m damn proud.
I still don’t believe we should ever have a woman president and I may lose followers for saying this, but it’s my opinion and I’m allowed to have one. It’s not really the hormonal thing (though I like to joke it is,) it’s the fact that most women are batshit fucking crazy. Yeah, men can be, too, but I don’t know. I’m just less comfortable with the idea of a woman, a she-demon who sheds a dangerously high amount of blood effortlessly throughout her life and basically has no soul, running an entire country. I’m sure there are a select few women that are composed and professional enough to be president, but until we can find those women, I’m fine letting the men run the country. Sorry if I offended any of tumblr’s radical feminists, but as a fellow woman, this is purely my opinion.
-median presidential candidacy age is 54 years
-median menopausal age is 40 years
-you cannot be president under the age of 35
-bruh you literally just went “that’s nice but here’s me ignoring these facts”
-tl;dr brah please tell me this is you joking
»a she-demon who sheds a dangerously high amount of blood effortlessly throughout her life and basically has no soul
What the actual fuck did I just read?
Short shorts and tiny tops are not an invitation for your commentary. The temperature is higher than my patience.
“The temperature is higher than my patience.” is my new summer motto.
is 95 a lot
35 celcius so yes
before you date a girl with a mental illness, remember: saying, “you’re beautiful” won’t balance the chemicals in her brain.
and don’t fucking say, “i’ll be here for you, no matter what,” if you don’t mean it.
don’t think you’re fixing her by saying, “i love you.” because you’re not
This needs more notes.
All of it, but mostly the bolded
Be there for your neuro-atypical loved ones, don’t expect to be their cure-all
Dudes thinking cis women’s breasts are sex organs = dudes who watch too much porn and have too much damned sexual entitlement over cis women’s bodies.
Wait but I’ll take getting my boobs touched over anything else so what does that mean?
It simply means that is an erogenous zone for you (as it is for many women and men, but certainly not all). It’s a spot of arousal… not a sex organ. How anyone would make that leap, I don’t know.
This is pretty brilliant because I get this a lot, and I think most sex workers do as well. That anything between men and a sw, whether its a full service sex worker, watching porn, calling a pso, whatever, some how just doesn’t matter, it doesn’t exist, it’s in this odd universe in the mans mind where all is forgiven and nothing has happened. Men who have very dark, or fucked up fantasies, who after they cum say things like ‘I’m not usually like that.’ ‘This is just a fantasy.’ but it isn’t, and it never was. If they sit there, and physically pleasure themselves to something damaging and fucked up, it is not some nonexistent fantasy, it is very real, it effects them physically, they carry it with them, always. It is real, and they want it. Desperately.
Anyone who claims to be pro-sex-worker and posts fucking DWORKIN should reevaluate.
I’ve never heard of her before this post, looked her up, and yes, she’s trash, but what she says here is true. Men are delusional when it comes to using a sex workers services. I hear ‘This is just a fantasy’ after a man tells me he wants to literally kill a woman while he makes her cum and for her last words to be ‘Thank You’ as she dies with his dick in her. And thats just from today. Yes, she’s trash, but there is a point here.
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